What did you say?"
"I never came Edward, it wasn't good, I've never had an orgasm."
She looks at the floor and I can see the familiar blush rise from her chest all the way up to her cheeks. I realize then that I haven't said anything following her admission. But what can I say? How did our conversation come to this particular subject anyway? She takes advantage of my dumbfounded state and removes her legs from my lap. Say something you idiot!
"Are you sure?" Probably not the best thing to say… She crosses her arms in front of her chest and releases an annoyed huff before looking back at me.
"I think I would be the first to know if I had an orgasm Edward." She shakes her head. "Oh dear God, I don't even know why I'm telling you this! It's so embarrassing." Her voice trails off as she returns her gaze to the floor. I have to comfort her; I know that my silence and stupid questions are only making the situation worse.
"I'm sorry Bella, don't get me wrong. It's just that it's a little hard to believe." No, actually it's VERY hard to believe. The girl who makes me hard just by being in the same room as me, who is sexy as hell, and was the best kiss of my life, has never had an orgasm? What kind of sick joke is that? Unless it's some kind of medical condition. She must be reading my mind because she says.
"It's not like I'm not able to. I've just never had one during sex." I must look very confused, because she sighs loudly and continues.
"Edward, my head feels fuzzy. I think I had one too many Vodka shots. Maybe it would be best if I explained this to you some other time?" She states it like a question. I really don't want to let this go. After all I told her about my embarrassing nickname. I even allowed her to have a good laugh at my expense, and now she's running away again?
"Well Bella, I don't understand what you're saying but I would like to. Very much." I look her right in the eye to convey my interest in her little "problem". She shivers lightly and nods.
"I promise I'll tell you everything about it. How about we get together again tomorrow? You could come over for dinner, we could make pizza?" With her eyes she's begging me to drop the subject. So I do, for now at least.
"Sure, but I'm not letting you off the hook that easily missy. You'll remember our talk in the morning right?" I smirk at her trying to sound playful, but I'm a little concern about her tendency toward alcohol induced amnesia. Will she forget this talk like she forgot our make out session?
"Of course I will! I'm not that drunk! So what do you say? Five o'clock at my place?"
"That's perfect, do you want me to bring the pizzas?"
"No silly." She rolls her eyes. "I said we're making pizza, not buying."
"Making? Like from scratch?"
"Yeah, it's not that difficult. And I think I'll need some distraction from the awkward subject we're going to be talking about." She looks down again and blushes some more. "You can bring some wine."
"All right then. It's a date." Her eyes widen and she seems taken aback by my choice of words. But I just smile crookedly at her. For me it is a date, our second one actually. I'm having dinner at her house, just the two of us, and I'm bringing wine. It's a motherfucking date even if she doesn't know it.
Alice appears to have been able to detach herself from Jasper's mouth and calls Bella so they can leave. I think about offering her a ride but decide against it. It wouldn't make much sense since they're all going to the same place anyway. Emmet and Rosalie are nowhere to be found, and I'm glad that I drove here by myself.
Sleep turns out to be an impossible task. Just remembering the word orgasm falling from Bella's lips almost makes me cum in my pants. And there's the subject of her never having one. She said she has had sex before, which I'm trying hard not to sulk about, but it wasn't any good. What the fuck? In what universe will sex with Bella would not be good? That doesn't make any sense at all. And the worst of all is that I now, more than ever, want to make her scream my name. Fuck!
Dawn was already making its way through the cracks of my curtains when I was finally able to close my eyes; it'ss past eleven in the morning when I wake up. It feels like I haven't slept at all, I'm so tired. But at the same time I'm almost in an Alice state of anxiousness because I'm so excited about seeing Bella later today. My cleaning lady Maria has already finished with the kitchen and is working her way through the living room by the time I emerge from my room after my morning wood extermination shower.
It's never a good idea to stay at home during cleaning so I go over to Emmet's for some breakfast. He must have some a weird six senses about this shit because I'm still pressing the doorbell when he opens the door. More impressive is that he already has an extra xbox control in hand and gives it to me before turning back to his favorite spot on the couch.
"Can I at least have some coffee first asshole?"
"Make it quick princess." He answers without even turning away from the flat screen. I guess he's only a good host when Rosalie is around.
"Where's Rose anyway? No way she's here if you're playing." He lifts his arm and gives me the finger. He doesn't like to admit it, but we all know it's true. He's not even married yet and is totally pussy wiped. Rose runs the house and Em follows like a puppy, if he knows what's best for him. I fill a mug with coffee and grab a few bagels before settling next to him on the couch.
"She went shopping with Alice, which means we can play all day long!" He fist pumps the air. Poor guy, I have to shake my head at him.
"Um… not really. I mean you can play all day but I'm leaving in a few hours. I have to be somewhere." He pauses the game and turns to me with a quizzical look.
"Where?"
"I'm going over to Bella's for dinner, we're making pizza from scratch. But it's not a big deal really." I decide to clarify before he gets any ideas. He doesn't need to know that it's a date in my head.
"Is that so! Then I guess you won't mind if I come along right? We should probably call Jazz too!"
"No way! She didn't invite any of you so fuck the hell off!" I actually stand up from the couch during my little temper tantrum. Of course Emmet burst out laughing so hard he shakes the whole couch with it.
"No big deal huh! I see…"
"I'm serious man, please let's just drop it. She doesn't see it that way and it will be really awkward if you guys tease her about it."
"Ok Romeo! And don't think Jasper didn't tell me about you two getting nasty on the dance floor." I can't fucking believe it! I'm going to kill Jasper!
"What the fuck! You two are worse than freaking old ladies!" And I'm up again. I'm so pissed I don't even want to stay here anymore. But Emmet grabs a hold of my wrist and pulls me back to the couch.
"Sit down princess! Stop being such a bitch!" I scold at him but he doesn't seem intimidated at all.
"Look Ed we are all friends here. Jasper just told me because he thought we could maybe help out. We know you are scared shitless of The Chief's reaction."
"I'm not. Because there's nothing for The Chief to react to." He shakes his head and sighs.
"I'm just gonna say it once, so please extract your head off your ass and listen. Don't worry about him. At least not for now. First you have to figure things out with Bella, see what she wants. If there's really something there, then she'll be by your side when you have to deal with her father." I feel bad about freaking out at him. Maybe he's right, I should stop worrying about the others and focus on Bella.
"Now turn around so I can start braiding your pretty hair. Did you bring the red nail polish?" I guess the moment is over. So I flip him of and he resumes the game.
We play for a few hours and it's already three thirty when I go back to my place. I decide that another shower with yet another jerk off session is in order. I'm spending the evening with Bella alone, talking about sex, and there will be liquor involved. It never hurts to be precautious. I don't want to look to formal so I settle for a pair of dark jeans and a black button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows. I leave the first couple of buttons undone and actually try to comb my hair. Of course it doesn't work because as soon the comb leaves the hair it stands back up again at the oddest angles possible. I don't even know why I still try, it could probably work if I put some slick gel on it, but that shit just isn't for me.
I stop by a liquor store and buy two bottles of red wine. I have to ask the clerk for advice because wine is not my beverage of choice. He convinces me that I'm buying the good stuff and I believe him, especially since I'm paying a shitload of money for it. It's a quick walk from the store to Bella's building so I arrive there a few minutes before five. She quickly buzzes me in and I wait for the elevator in the lobby but it feels like it's taking forever for the fucking car to arrive. I think about going up the stairs but she lives on the tenth floor. I probably wouldn't look good arriving all sweaty and panting. Sweaty and panting….ummm… Bella sweaty and panting. Shit! Stop it!
I press the call button a thousand times repeatedly. Her fucking doorman is glaring at me but I don't give a shit. After what feels like ages the elevator arrives. A group of five elderly ladies take their sweet time to get out of it, and I'm seriously losing my cool here. I get in and pray that the strong scent of their nauseating long-lasting odd smelling perfume don't stick with me. Standing in her doorway I pat down my clothes a little bit before pressing her doorbell. I hear her yell from inside that it's open, so I get in and go meet her in the kitchen.
The scene in front of me is so overwhelming that I have to clutch the bag with the bottles of wine so I don't drop it. Bella is standing with her back to me stirring some red sauce in a pan in front of her. One hand is stirring the sauce while the other is on her hip. Her hair is pulled up in a high ponytail, and she's dressed like one of those Stepford wives with a lavender dress that ends just above her knees. The straps are thin and I can see the little freckles on her shoulders. Over the dress is a vintage apron with flowers printed all over it. The apron is the exact length of the dress and is tied behind her waist with a bow. My gaze travels downwards, licking my lips at the sight of her bare legs ending on a pair of little white ballerina flats.
Of course The Imperador jumps to life, but that reaction is already expected. What really stuns me is the vision that flashes in front of my eyes of the very same Bella with the very same clothes, but now she is balancing a little boy on her hip. He has my hair and my eyes and is playing with strands of her hair while she cooks. I swear my heart turns upside down and I have the urge to flee the scene. This shit is becoming too much for me, never in my whole life would I have thought about getting married and much less having kids. Something is seriously wrong here, but before I can dwell on it she acknowledges my presence and smile brightly at me.
"Hey" Eloquence is not a quality I posses at this very moment.
"Hi Edward, I didn't hear you come in." She reaches for the bag that I'm still holding with a death grip and I hand it to her. With an appreciative whistle she retrieves a bottle from the bag.
"Wow Edward that's really good. Do you wanna open it?" I just shrug and nod because my ability to speak hasn't returned yet. So she hands me a cork screw and I get to work while she pulls out two glasses from the cupboard. I pour wine in both, and hand one to her.
"Thanks for inviting me Bella. What have you prepared already?" I point towards the pan on the stove, thanking God that I'm not officially brain dead.
"Oh that's just the tomato sauce. I did it from scratch too with fresh tomatoes." She's too fucking cute all proud of her self, so I smile at her before taking a sip of my wine. Her gaze is fixated on my lips the whole time, and I can't help but smile again but this time I pull out The panty dropper, because I'm a fucker like that. Of course she blushes, I would be offended if she didn't. That blush is now one of my best friends, I just fucking love it!
"I already made the dough too." She points to some balls of dough that are resting on the counter.
"I thought that maybe you could help out preparing the toppings while we wait for the dough to rise."
"Of course." She places knifes and cutting boards on the kitchen table, and we begin to slice and dice onions, sun dried tomatoes, eggs, mushrooms, pepperonis and thousands of other stuff. While we work together she tells me about her Nonna who taught her how to cook all these Italian recipes. According to her the meat lasagna is the best, so I say that we are having it next time. I'm so smooth! I never let her glass empty while we talk; I want her relaxed when we start discussing her "issue".
All the toppings are ready and the dough has risen. Bella asks me to turn on the oven while she sprinkles flour on the counter and rolls the balls of dough flat into thin discs. She then transfers two discs into two separate pans, and hands me one.
"Now it's your turn, put a little bit of sauce, cheese, and choose some of the toppings you like." That's a lot of fun. I never assembled my own pizza before. Of course mine has everything available on it.
"You know you can have more than one right?" She laughs while she places both our pans in the oven.
"Yeah, my second will be just like that too." She laughs some more shaking her head and takes off her apron. We pick up our glasses and go sit in the living room while we wait for the pizzas to cook. I can't wait any longer and I have to get onto last night's subject. I have to admit that I'm somewhat apprehensive that she'll try to avoid it again.
"You remember what you told me last night right? Don't think that you can buy your way out of it with pizza." I smile and tug at her ponytail. She sighs and looks at her wine, which confirms my suspicions that she would like very much not to talk about it. I'm sorry honey, but this time I'm not letting it go.
"I remember Edward. Are you still sure that you want to hear about it? It's stupid really."
"No it's not Bella. It's clear that you like writing very much, and you said so yourself that you'd like to write scripts for After Twilight. So if this…ahh…setback is preventing you from doing it, I would like to know about it." Maybe I could help…
"Thanks Edward, you are really good at this friends thing. I'll tell you all about it let's just eat first ok?" Ugh! Friends my ass! I smile weakly at her as the delicious smell of melted cheese invades the room.
I follow her back into the kitchen and help get the pans out of the oven. Everything looks and smells wonderful, my mouth is watering. The dining table is already set so I just bring the pizzas in and we sit down to eat.
"This is the best fucking pizza ever!" My mouth is completely full because I just can't stop shoving pizza in it and Bella chuckles. I'm not lying, the dough is thin and crispy, and the sauce is unfukinbelievable. I'm never ordering pizza out again, frozen pizza is dead to me now.
"I'm glad you like it. So I guess you'll make another one right?" She's laughing and seems pretty happy that I'm enjoying her food so much.
"Hell yes! Don't think I'm a pig Bella, it's just that besides this being the pizza from heaven I haven't had lunch today."
"I don't think you're a pig, you can have as many as you like. I made plenty and I like a guy who eats." She smiles softly and I pour her more wine, we are almost through with the first bottle.
Bella settles for just one pizza, but of course I assemble another gigantic one for myself. I put it in the oven and don't have to wait much for it to get ready because the oven is already hot enough. She sits with me while I eat. We talk more about college and her friends. I open the second bottle and we move to the living room after clearing the table and bringing all the dishes to the kitchen. She insists that we don't have to wash anything and I'm glad because I can't wait anymore for our talk to start.
''So I guess I should start from the beginning right?" She's sitting next to me on the couch but her back is against the armrest and one of her legs is curled up under her, so she's facing me. I just nod and she continues.
"Well my first time was with my high school boyfriend Mike." I clench my fists and lock my jaw so I don't say anything stupid. Just the thought of some guy with his hands on my Bella is enough to drive me crazy.
"It was prom night, and he had been hinting about sex for a while so I decided to get it over with that day. We had sex in the back seat of his car and there wasn't much room so it was awkward and it hurt really badly." Where can I find this Mike character? Not only did he touch Bella he hurt her too? I'm going to kill him. I must be breathing hard because she stops talking before asking.
"Edward is everything ok? Are you sure I can go on?" And take in a deep breath and nod again for her to continue, placing my hand on top of her hand resting on her lap.
"So after that I was kinda scared and didn't want to try again. Mike didn't take it very well so we broke up shortly after. I didn't love him or anything so I wasn't heartbroken or whatever. It was for the best since I was leaving for California in a few weeks. During the first few years of college I was too busy with classes, so I didn't have much time to date. But then I met Eric and he was very sweet. We dated for a while but I think he was even more inexperienced then me. So when we began having sex it was a disaster. It always ended too quickly and he didn't know what to do with his own hands let alone my body. I felt sorry for him because he was nice and cared about me, but it seemed like something was missing when we were together." Something was missing alright! His balls! Where did Bella find these losers anyway? No wonder she never climaxed.
"So long story short that's what happened. I have to admit I kinda gave up a little after Eric. I was just too busy between my two majors and Charlie was already preparing me to work at his company so I had a lot on my mind."
"I'm sorry you had such bad experiences Bella. But I don't think you should give up, every person is different and I'm sure you'll find someone who can make you feel good." And I want to be that someone so badly it hurts.
"Thanks Edward. I know that. Actually when Charlie talked to me about working at After Twilight, I started researching. Watching the movies you know." She squeezes my hand and smiles. "And it was a real eye opener; I never thought sex could be like… THAT!"
"Well Bella, you know that's just for the movie right? I mean sometimes the girl is really enjoying herself, but most of the times it is just acting for the cameras. You can't compare that with the real thing, it's very different."
"Yeah I wondered about that. That's way I'm so interested in being on set someday. I know it sounds a little creepy but I have had so many frustrating sexual encounters, that I want to see for myself if all the fuss is real you know? When are you shooting your last scene?" NO, NO, NO and NO!
"I don't think that's such a good idea."
"Oh please Edward. I'm really comfortable around you, and if it's not one of your movies who am I going to watch? That creep James?"
"Absolutely not! Bella please don't even come near that guy! It's just that this last scene is very intense. I don't know if you'll feel comfortable being there." I wish she wasn't comfortable watching me with other women. I sure as hell won't be, with her there. She must really just want to be friends, otherwise she wouldn't want to see something like that. Once again my hopes of having anything else with her are fading away.
"I know! I've read the script. But it's your last scene and it will be a while before you start another movie right? At least a few months? Please Edward!" How am I going to do that? That scene involves group sex, me and five women together. It's hard enough without having her there. Oh my God I can't do it!
Bella is still looking at me expectantly holding my hand between both of hers. I decide to change the subject a little bit hoping she'll drop that idea.
"You told me last night that you were able to climax, just never have while having sex. How is that?" This seems to distract her alright because she moves her hands away from mine and turns so that she's no longer facing me.
"Um I-I never had an orgasm, not consciously anyway-"
"So you mean that you've really never had one?" I interrupt her. "Not even by yourself?" I can't believe I asked that, and neither can she because she looks at me with a horrified expression.
"No" She says in a weak voice. "I tried that once, but it didn't feel right."
"It's ok, I didn't want to embarrass you I'm sorry." I take her hands again and stroke her knuckles with my thumbs.
"That's what I was trying to tell you before. It never happened consciously, but I know I can get there because it happened once. During a dream." She whispers the last part, blushing crimson and looking away from me.
"Hey" I place a finger on her chin and turn her face towards me. She complies but still doesn't look me in the eye. "That's very normal Bella, you have nothing to be ashamed of. It was good right?" I try to lighten her up a little.
"Yeah" She looks at me now and exhales a long breath that she seemed to have been holding. "It was VERY good." Her gaze is intense and I can't help but wonder what that dream was about. I think about asking but something tells me that she won't share it with me.
"You're really not going to tell me when your shoot is, heh? I guess I'll just ask Alice then." Why can't she just let this shit go already? "I would just feel better if I knew you're ok with me being there." I don't like it, but I also don't have the heart to deny her being there. It seems like she has a lot of questions about sex, and she thinks that watching us do it on set will bring her answers. "Ok Bella you win. It'll be on the Wednesday after next." I sigh heavily and she throws her arms around my neck hugging me tightly. I guess that is worth it.
"Thank you so very much Edward." She kisses me on the cheek.
"I still don't get one thing though. I know you don't have much experience, but are you sure that would be such a big impediment for you to write a script?" I really don't get it, she could just make shit up.
"Oh absolutely. I've read the scripts and I was actually surprised at how detailed the sex scenes are, every position, angle and even the lines that are written in there. When there's voiceover it's even more detailed. How can I write what the girl is thinking during sex when I don't know anything about it? At least not the good stuff anyway?"
"Yeah, I can see your point when you put it that way. I actually like that the scripts are detailed like that you know?"
"Why is that?"
"When I'm following what it says it doesn't feel like I'm really having sex. Of course I eventually cum, but that's just a physical reaction. It's not Edward. It's more mechanical and I don't feel so… dirty. I don't know. Does that make sense?" I ask and I think I blush a little.
"It makes sense" She holds my hand. "So is there any room left for dessert?" She pats my stomach.
"Of course there is!" She laughs and heads for the kitchen bringing back two small bowls of chocolate mousse. All coherent thoughts fly out the window once again while I watch Bella eat her dessert. The way she licks her spoon and moans. Dear God! It's just pure torture. She's still talking but I'm fixated on that little bit of mousse that lingers on the corner of her lips. I just want to lick it!
"But I know it will be long before I can do that. I'm just too busy right now."
"What?"
"Edward! Are you even here? Did you hear a word of what I just said?" Oh fuck! She caught me.
"Sorry Bella, It's just that you have some chocolate here." I can't take it anymore so I wipe it off with my finger bringing it to my mouth afterwards. Her eyes widen and she licks her lips."What were you saying?" She seems lost for a while before clearing her throat and speaking again.
"I was just saying that I don't even know when I'll have a chance to be in a relationship again. These things take so much time, getting to know the other person, going out on dates. I'm just so busy right now with so much work around the company. I know it will take some time before I can do that again."
"Oh…I see." My chances here are slim to none, and I'm feeling really depressed. I wish I could take Emmet's advice and show her my intentions to see how she responds. But at least until the movie is done, I can't have anything with Bella. Especially now that she'll be watching that shit go down live on set. I'm not giving up though, the day after the shoot we'll be going to the lake house. If she can still look me in the eyes after that I'll make my move and see where it goes.
I thank her for the delicious meal, and she walks me to the door.
"Thanks for listening Edward. I really appreciate it."
"It was my pleasure Bella. Good night." I lean in and kiss her on the forehead.
"Good night."
The next week passes by very quickly. I'm extremely busy with the movie coming to an end. I spend most of my time helping Jasper in the editing room, rehearsing for the last scene, helping out building the set among other tasks. I only bump into Bella a couple of times. Emmet is working her ass off, and she seems tired. Unfortunately our encounters are very brief and we don't get to talk much besides exchanging pleasantries in the hallway. I miss talking to her, and when the weekend arrives I'm sad because she goes to Forks to visit her father.
The guys come by on Saturday and we spend the day playing video games and drinking beer. I'm glad neither of them brings up the Bella subject. I'm fucking tired of talking about it already, so I enjoy our day of leisure and talking about bullshit. On Sunday I go to a barbecue with some guys from the camera crew. I am having a good time until the buzz starts kicking in and some girl become too aggressive towards me, so I excuse myself and get the hell out of there.
On Monday and Tuesday I'm doing final rehearsals all day. I don't see Bella at all. I don't even know if she came back from Forks yet. Maybe she's so busy with work that she won't be able to visit the set after all. I'm hoping that's the case. No, actually I'm praying really hard for that. The scene will involve all the five girls who worked with me on the movie. They will be meeting Zorro at a saloon we built on set, and will be taking him up to a hotel room. The plan is to thank him for everything he did for them. Of course it will include sex. All of them will tie me up leaving only my mask on and will have their way with me. It seems a lot of fun but it's actually very complicated, so many people on set requires a lot of rehearsal so we know where the cameras will be focusing each time. And it's just my luck that this is the fucking scene Bella wants to watch.
I arrive early on Wednesday, still following the dodging Heidi plan I go straight to my dressing room where I plan on memorizing my lines one last time before DJ arrives for makeup. The shoot is scheduled to start at nine, and we'll keep going nonstop until three. We decided to skip lunch break because once the cameras starts rolling it will be impossible to stop to eat and then pick up later from where we left. So when I arrive at the dressing room I'm glad to find a banquet laid out for me and I dig in while going through my lines.
DJ arrives full of gay energy like usual. At least today his clothes are more decent. He's wearing a black wife beater that is practically painted on his body and very tight jeans. He talks a mile a minute about his date with Seth, which I intentionally tune out. And then he blabs for the rest of the time about a wolf outfit that he bought for a costume party they're going to as an official couple.
After he finishes, I get dressed in my all black Zorro costume, complete with mask, cape and hat. I take a few deep breaths and make my way to the set. We're filming the bar scene first, and then moving on to the heavy stuff. I enter the room and my eyes instantly scan it looking for Bella. I find her in the corner talking to Alice, who's showing her one of the girls' costume. I instantly start panicking and freeze on the spot where I'm standing. As if she's feels my presence she turns around and looks at me, smiling she walks my way and stands in front of me.
"Wow, Edward you look really nice!" She places both hands on my chest. I try to smile but I really don't think I can, and she notices.
"Hey are you ok? I'm so glad I could make it today. I missed you." I smile so hard now that I think my face will break in half. She missed me! I can't believe it.
"I missed you too beautiful." She smiles at the nickname and stands on her tiptoes to kiss my cheek. I just hope that she's still the same around me by the end of the day.
Jasper calls everybody to stand in position so we can start the shot. My little exchange with Bella made me so happy that I think nothing can break my good mood. That lasts only for a few seconds until, from the corner of my eye I spot someone leaning against the far wall. I feel a cold shiver run all the way down my spine. He has one foot up against the wall, arms crossed over his chest, and his signature tooth stick in the mouth. He is looking at Bella moving his gaze up and down her body. She has her back to him and is talking to Alice again. He continues staring for a while and then turns to me. He smirks and nods his head before kicking off the wall and leaving the set.
Fucking James, what the fuck is he doing here?
